You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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