Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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