When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
