nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
