remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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