Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
