Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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