i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
