Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
