My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
