Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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