hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i out mim tonsoeep
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