I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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