my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
