what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
