If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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