If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
