I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize