Your tits are I can't wait for
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
