So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
