You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
