the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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