Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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