There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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