i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize