It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
