Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
