Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
