After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
