and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
