After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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