remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
