Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
