i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
