remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
