i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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