just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
