my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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