didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize