I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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