smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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