singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize