i wish my penis had a tongue
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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