cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
