brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
