I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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