I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
