Define "chronic" masturbator.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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