Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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