Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize