K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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