As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
