My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
