Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
