Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
