When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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