Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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