Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
