Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
