You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
