My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
