If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
