Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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