Your face is a jimmy john
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize