new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
