once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
