He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
