He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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