I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
