this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How external is "for external use only"?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
