Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
