Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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