I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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