Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize