And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
